Thursday, September 23, 2010 . 1:11 PM
Dancing bearded guy FTW!
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Wednesday, September 22, 2010 . 6:29 PM
Sitting here now in the YIH study room, struggling not to fall asleep while studying.
Everything is so depressing. Everyday I wake up not wanting to get out of bed, getting to hospital, feeling completely outclassed by everyone in tutorials, and if I'm unlucky enough to be selected for OSCE, get completely ridiculed by the tutor and laughed at by my classmates for being so damn stupid. When it comes to explaining something, even when I explain it right, people don't believe me until someone supports me. I keep feeling discounted, like my opinion doesn't matter, like people are already assuming that I'm wrong even before I open my mouth to explain myself. When it comes to presenting cases, even when the tutor comments that I did well, people will dispute what I said (despite the tutor already agreeing with me) and "educate" me on how I should have done this or that better. When I finally get through the day experiencing one or all of this or living through the fear of experiencing them, I drive home, then to school because I can't study at home, and then struggle to stay focused and awake while studying and asking myself what all this is for.
Even now in the study room, I just took a table that was unoccupied, then this girl sitting adjacent to me (who was occupying her whole table too, by the way), comes back to her table, after God knows how long she left it, with a guy and they both look at me like I'm taking up his space, even though it was empty to begin with. Why do I feel apologetic even though I KNOW I'm not in the wrong here?
I hate this. Why is it that everywhere I go, I feel like I'm being judged? Why do I feel that every single thing I do, someone is watching me, waiting for me to slip up? Why is it that I'm unable to say the right things, or I fear saying the wrong things when I'm talking to people? Why am I so damn stupid?
I think I've got some sort of social anxiety disorder.
The worst part is, I've got no one to talk to. All of you reading this (and I don't think there'll be anyone) will probably think this is a cry for help, but I'm only writing this here because I have no one to let this out to. The last guy who asked me how I was asked me that about a week ago all the way from the USA. So you can see how devoid of listening ears I have.
I guess if people don't give a shit about me, I shouldn't really give a shit about them. I suppose they have many other more worthwhile friends in their lives, people who are more worth their time and energy.
Sometimes I wish life could be simpler. Sometimes I wish I had not chosen such a steep path where I'm so obviously punching above my weight class. Sometimes I wish I could just not give a damn that no one gives a shit about me. Sometimes I just with it could just all end.
I'm so damn tired of this. So tired of everything.
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Monday, September 13, 2010 . 8:53 PM
The Times They Are A-Changin' by Bob Dylan
Come gather 'round people wherever you roam
And admit that the waters around you have grown
And accept it that soon you'll be drenched to the bone.
If your time to you is worth savin'
Then you better start swimmin' or you'll sink like a stone
For the times they are a-changin'.
Come writers and critics who prophesize with your pen
And keep your eyes wide the chance won't come again
And don't speak too soon for the wheel's still in spin
And there's no tellin' who that it's namin'.
For the loser now will be later to win
For the times they are a-changin'.
Come senators, congressmen please heed the call
Don't stand in the doorway don't block up the hall
For he that gets hurt will be he who has stalled
There's a battle outside ragin'.
It'll soon shake your windows and rattle your walls
For the times they are a-changin'.
Come mothers and fathers throughout the land
And don't criticize what you can't understand
Your sons and your daughters are beyond your command
Your old road is rapidly agin'.
Please get out of the new one if you can't lend your hand
For the times they are a-changin'.
The line it is drawn the curse it is cast
The slow one now will later be fast
As the present now will later be past
The order is rapidly fadin'.
And the first one now will later be last
For the times they are a-changin'.
Come gather 'round people wherever you roam
And admit that the waters around you have grown
And accept it that soon you'll be drenched to the bone.
If your time to you is worth savin'
Then you better start swimmin' or you'll sink like a stone
For the times they are a-changin'.
Come writers and critics who prophesize with your pen
And keep your eyes wide the chance won't come again
And don't speak too soon for the wheel's still in spin
And there's no tellin' who that it's namin'.
For the loser now will be later to win
For the times they are a-changin'.
Come senators, congressmen please heed the call
Don't stand in the doorway don't block up the hall
For he that gets hurt will be he who has stalled
There's a battle outside ragin'.
It'll soon shake your windows and rattle your walls
For the times they are a-changin'.
Come mothers and fathers throughout the land
And don't criticize what you can't understand
Your sons and your daughters are beyond your command
Your old road is rapidly agin'.
Please get out of the new one if you can't lend your hand
For the times they are a-changin'.
The line it is drawn the curse it is cast
The slow one now will later be fast
As the present now will later be past
The order is rapidly fadin'.
And the first one now will later be last
For the times they are a-changin'.
"You'll Never Walk Alone"
Archangel
Archangel
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How pathetic you must sound.
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Dammit.
What a bloody awful day.
I wake up late when I originally wanted to get up early to do work, I failed miserably in trying to do work today because for some reason my mind kept wandering and I was just so damn sleepy the whole time, I get ignored by people who are important to me, my afternoon plans all go awry when we get unexpected visitors, I couldn't get any time on the xbox cos my dad was using the television the whole night, and to top it all off, Liverpool totally sucked against Birmingham and were bloody lucky to get a draw.
I hope this isn't a sign of things to come for the week ahead. I mean... What the hell man. Why the hell do I even bother? Shit.
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Saturday, September 11, 2010 . 8:20 PM
I'm Surprised That You're Surprised.
Haha. I think it's time for you to learn that in this kind of community we live in, in this kind of dog-eat-dog competition, where people keep secrets from each other to reduce their potential rivals and find ways and means to oust their competition, you shouldn't be surprised that promises and verbal/written contracts like sign up sheets are easily broken.
I lost all faith in this community a long time ago. I suggest you should do the same. Disappointment can't exist when there are no raised hopes in the first place.
There is no such thing as professionalism in this community. There's only a "ME! ME! ME!" attitude and a "everyone else can go to hell so long as I get what I want" mentality here.
Whoopee.
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Wednesday, September 08, 2010 . 9:56 PM
Warning Sign
"Warning Sign" by Coldplay
A warning sign,
I missed the good part then I realized,
I started looking and the bubble burst.
I started looking for excuses.
Come on in,
I've gotta tell you what a state I'm in,
I've gotta tell you in my loudest tones,
That I started looking for a warning sign.
When the truth is,
I miss you.
Yeah the truth is,
That I miss you so.
A warning sign,
You came back to haunt me and I realized
you were an island and I passed you by,
You were an island to discover.
Come on in,
I've gotta tell you what state I'm in,
I've gotta tell you in my loudest tones,
That I started looking for a warning sign.
When the truth is,
I miss you.
Yeah the truth is,
That I miss you so.
And I'm tired,
I should not have let you go.
So I crawl back into your open arms.
Yes, I crawl back into your open arms.
And I crawl back into your open arms.
Yes, I crawl back into your open arms...
A warning sign,
I missed the good part then I realized,
I started looking and the bubble burst.
I started looking for excuses.
Come on in,
I've gotta tell you what a state I'm in,
I've gotta tell you in my loudest tones,
That I started looking for a warning sign.
When the truth is,
I miss you.
Yeah the truth is,
That I miss you so.
A warning sign,
You came back to haunt me and I realized
you were an island and I passed you by,
You were an island to discover.
Come on in,
I've gotta tell you what state I'm in,
I've gotta tell you in my loudest tones,
That I started looking for a warning sign.
When the truth is,
I miss you.
Yeah the truth is,
That I miss you so.
And I'm tired,
I should not have let you go.
So I crawl back into your open arms.
Yes, I crawl back into your open arms.
And I crawl back into your open arms.
Yes, I crawl back into your open arms...
"You'll Never Walk Alone"
Archangel
Archangel
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Thursday, September 02, 2010 . 5:54 PM
Mass Effect 2!
OMG can't wait for 7th September now.
"You'll Never Walk Alone"
Archangel
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