Monday, January 25, 2010 . 11:10 AM
Wow seems like everyone is getting a DSLR and learning the ropes nowadays. I'm damn jealous cos I got mine real early on when they were incredibly expensive...
Ah well, maybe it's time to take my Olympus out of storage again... It's been a long time.
Or maybe I'll just wait for Jon Teo to come back again before going to shoot. There's no one else I'd rather shoot with.
"You'll Never Walk Alone"
Archangel
Sunday, January 24, 2010 . 3:00 AM
Note to self: Playing football under the hot sun at 1530, for about 3 hours, without properly hydrating yourself before that is detrimental to your health.
Still managed to score 1 (1% positioning, 99% luck) and set up 3 :p despite absolutely dying under the heat.
After that had a nice long dinner + dessert with SJ at Holland V. There's nothing like having a good long chat about life, work, friendships, relationships, religion. We didn't manage to grab a seat at Daily Scoop so we walked all over the Holland V neighbourhood, just eating ice cream and talking.
Just shows that you don't have to be elaborate when you're out with your best friends. Their company is good enough.
"You'll Never Walk Alone"
Archangel
Thursday, January 21, 2010 . 2:53 PM
Chanced upon this while reading the article Blackadder on Wikipedia. This spoof of Spider-man isn't one of Rowan Atkinson's best, but the Batman bits were incredibly funny, and Tony Robinson with his deadpan matter-of-fact tone of voice and his Baldrick-esque cameo of Robin were a classic! "Holy plot twist Batman! It's me!" lmao.
Part 2
"You'll Never Walk Alone"
Archangel
Sometimes you just got to settle for 2nd best. It's nice to know that I was, and still am, nothing but a mere distraction. *sarcasm*
But in line with every other friendship or relationship I've had in my life, I guess I shouldn't be surprised at my importance (or lack thereof) to the person in question.
Think happy thoughts!
"You'll Never Walk Alone"
Archangel
Wednesday, January 20, 2010 . 1:28 AM
I think I should just give it up.
This hoping, waiting, expectation, wishing, praying, whatever you want to call it... It's nothing but a buildup to ultimate failure.
Stop fooling yourself. It's never going to happen. It didn't, and it never will.
Sounds like I've convinced myself, no? I want to give up... But I just can't let it go.
I can't.
SJ tells me time will heal, but time just papers over the cracks. When the cause of the cracks appears once more the wounds will reopen and fresh blood will come pouring out like tears that fall so freely.
Jon tells me that no matter what I've still got the 2 buggers to be thankful for (and for that I'm eternally grateful) but that still doesn't lessen the hurt.
I don't think I've ever been so affected by rejection before.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010 . 1:51 AM
When I look into your eyes, there's nothing there to see
Nothing but my own mistakes, staring back at me
[Backwards]:
Everything has to end
You'll soon find that we're out of time left to watch it all unwind
Everything falls apart
Even the people who never frown eventually break down
Everything has to end
You'll soon find that we're out of time left to watch in all unwind
Everything falls apart
Even the people who never frown eventually break down
I've lied to you
This is the last smile that I'll fake for the sake of being with you
Everything falls apart
Even the people who never frown eventually break down
Everything has to end
You'll soon find we're out of time left to watch it all unwind
(For the sake of being with you)
Everything falls apart
Even the people who never frown eventually break down
The sacrifice is never knowing
Why I stay
When you just push away
No matter what you see
You're still so blind to me
[Backwards]:
Even the people who never frown eventually break down
I've tried, like you, to do everything you wanted to
This is the last time I'll take the blame for the sake of being with you
Everything falls apart
Even the people who never frown eventually break down
(The sacrifice of hiding in a lie)
Everything has to end
You'll soon find we're out of time left to watch it all unwind
The sacrifice is never knowing
Why I stay
When you just push away
No matter what you see
You're still so blind to me
Reverse psychology's failing miserably
It's so hard to be left alone
Telling you is the only chance for me
There's nothing left but to turn and face you
When I look into your eyes, there's nothing there to see
Nothing but my own mistakes, staring back at me
Asking why
The sacrifice of hiding in a lie
The sacrifice is never knowing
Why I stay
When you just push away
No matter what you see
You're still so blind to me
Why I stay
When you just push away
No matter what you see
You're still so blind to me
Archangel
Monday, January 18, 2010 . 3:02 AM
What if there was no light?
Nothing wrong, nothing right
What if there was no time?
And no reason or rhyme?
What if you should decide
That you don't want me there by your side?
That you don't want me there in your life?
What if I got it wrong?
And no poem or song
Could put right what I got wrong
Or make you feel I belong
What if you should decide
That you don't want me there by your side?
That you don't want me there in your life?
Oooooh, that's right
Let's take a breath, jump over the side
Oooooh, that's right
How can you know it if you don't even try?
Oooooh, that's right
Every step that you take
Could be your biggest mistake
It could bend or it could break
But that's the risk that you take
What if you should decide
That you don't want me there in your life?
That you don't want me there by your side?
Oooooh, that's right
Let's take a breath, jump over the side
Oooooh, that's right
How can you know it when you don't even try?
Oooooh, that's right
Oooooh, that's right
Let's take a breath, jump over the side
Oooooh, that's right
You know that darkness always turns into light
Oooooh, that's right...
Archangel
I've decided to better myself in music, for that is all I have left.
First I want to learn to deepen my voice, which I managed to get an ebook online for... We'll see whether the money was well spent or not, if my voice really becomes deeper after the training. If not well... The bugger hasn't replied my questions online so I'm beginning to suspect that I've been fleeced but we'll see... I'm sick and tired of having to struggle to hit the low notes in the arrangements that Reso gives me, and Wai Lun always suggesting that I should use an octaver (I know there's no malice in his comments but it irks me a little that my voice is not bassy enough at the lowest registers). If I could deepen my voice just by a few semitones that should secure the low D and perhaps even deepen my voice to a C# or C.
Was thinking of trying my hand at a cappella arrangements again, mainly cos I constantly don't agree with Reso's choice of music for concerts and whatnot, but that's just me... I'm a stickler for alternative or blues. I don't think the arrangements will be particularly good but we'll see how those go as well. I'd prefer to progress slowly in a musical arrangement than keep getting my ass handed to me trying to get the Mile High Club achievement in COD4 (and no, it's not that Mile High Club that you're thinking of).
Paul recently re-ignited my interest in vocal percussion, or as some people will call it, beatboxing. Not sure how far I can progress on my own but have seen a few interesting websites on the topic which provide lessons... We'll see how it goes. If Reso starts the workshops once more I'll probably sign up with Paul, who's really interested.
Want to start my guitar once more... Haven't been practicing since Liang Ze my shi fu went to USA to study. Speaking of whom, I've only spoken to him once since... I should speak to him soon. Found some websites online that teach you how to play... Naturally the better ones with video instructions and detailed lesson plans are those which you have to pay for, so we'll see how it goes with that too.
Haven't played the piano since passing my Grade 8 practical and was thinking a few weeks ago how much I like blues piano... Thinking of starting by playing Chopin pieces once more and we'll see how proficient I can get. But this will probably take a back seat for now given that I want to do so many other things and given that my exams are coming up as well.
Hopefully I can pull through to the end for these aims... I hope to remain dedicated to these as long as I can instead of starting then stopping halfway.
"You'll Never Walk Alone"
Archangel
1 goal
2 assists
Hit the post
Not too bad for a Saturday afternoon of football, though I was really pissed with the volley that hit the post.
Well at least something went right this weekend...
"You'll Never Walk Alone"
Archangel
Thursday, January 14, 2010 . 11:42 PM
It's easier to run
Replacing this pain with something numb
It's so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone
Something has been taken from deep inside of me
A secret I've kept locked away no one can ever see
Wounds so deep they never show, they never go away
Like moving pictures in my head for years and years they've played
If I could change I would, take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could stand up and take the blame I would
If I could take all the shame to the grave I would
If I could change I would, take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could stand up and take the blame I would
I would take all my shame to the grave
It's easier to run
Replacing this pain with something numb
It's so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone
Sometimes I remember the darkness of my past
Bringing back these memories I wish I didn't have
Sometimes I think of letting go and never looking back
And never moving forward so there'd never be a past
If I could change I would, take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could stand up and take the blame I would
If I could take all the shame to the grave I would
If I could change I would, take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could stand up and take the blame I would
I would take all my shame to the grave
Just washing it aside
All of the helplessness inside
Pretending I don't feel misplaced
It's so much simpler than change
It's easier to run
Replacing this pain with something numb
It's so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone
It's easier to run
(If I could change I would, take back the pain I would)
(Retrace every wrong move that I made)
It's easier to go
(If I could change I would, take back the pain I would)
(Retrace every wrong move that I made I would)
(If I could stand up and take the blame I would)
(I would take all my shame to the grave)
Archangel
Tuesday, January 12, 2010 . 9:01 PM
When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse
When the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
Singing high up above or down below
When you are too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I
Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you.
Archangel
Ooh
Put your loving hand out, baby
I'm beggin'
Beggin', beggin' you
Put your loving hand out baby
Beggin', beggin' you
Put your loving hand out darling
Ridin' high, when I was king
Played it hard and fast, cause I had everything
Walked away, won me then
But easy come and easy go
And it would end
So ah, anytime I need ya, let me go
Anytime I feed ya, get me know
Anytime I seek ya, let me know
But I planted that seed, just let me go
I'm on my knees when I'm (beggin')
Cos I don't want to lose (you)
I got my arms so spread
And I hope that my heart gets fed
Matter of fact, gonna beg
Beggin', beggin' you
Put your loving hand out baby
Beggin', beggin' you
Put your loving hand out darling
I need you, (yeah) to understand
Tried so hard
To be your man
The kind of man you want in the end
Only then can I begin to live again
An empty shell
I used to be
Shadow of my life
Was hangin' over me
A broken man
But I don't know
Won't even stand the devil's chance
To win my soul
What we doin'? What we chasin'?
What about 'em, why da basement?
Why me got good shit, don't embrace it?
Why to feel for da need to replacement?
Ya'll on a runway track from the good
I wanna paint in the pictures any way we could react
Like a heart in the trash where you should
You done gave it away, ya had it till you took it back
But I keep walkin' on
Keep rockin' dawns
Keep walking forward
Now the court is yours
Keep browsin' halls
Cos I don't wanna live in a broken home girl I'm beggin'
Beggin', beggin' you
Put your loving hand out baby
Beggin', beggin' you
Put your loving hand out darling
I'm fighting hard
To hold my own
I just can't make it
All alone
I'm holdin' on
I can't fall back
I'm just a con
'Bout to fade to black
Beggin', beggin' you
Put your loving hand out baby
Beggin', beggin' you
Put your loving hand out darling
Beggin', beggin' you
Put your loving hand out baby
Beggin', beggin' you
Put your loving hand out darling
Archangel
Saturday, January 09, 2010 . 2:30 PM
I now understand the true meaning of pangseh, and that verbal contracts are so easily broken. Promises now don't mean anything to anybody, they're broken left right centre as easy as anything.
I think I should review the company that I keep.
Or maybe I should not keep any company with anybody at all, if I take life's lessons into account.
Screw it all. Screw this life.
Wow.
Just. Wow.
I really have nothing else to say. It's been a long time since I've been emo.
Two themes that have been working through my mind in the past few weeks... Hope, and friendships.
You know what's the worst feeling you can get in the whole world? It's not anger, jealousy or disappointment, although the latter comes closest. It's hope.
Why hope? Because it sets you up for a fall. Whenever you hope for something to happen, the way this world works, chances are that's not going to happen. Why so? Looking at it logically, if the chances are really good that something is about to happen, you wouldn't be hoping for it to happen, rather accepting that it would occur. So hope is essentially something that you use to encourage you to carry on against the odds.
More often than not, if you have some basic skill in probability, you'll probably realize that the odds will work against you. The hope then becomes disappointment, rejection, embarrassment.
They say pride comes before a fall. Hope sets you up for it.
I'm a simple kind of guy. I work hard (well, not really), I play hard, I go after what I want. I mean, who doesn't? But I'm not a secure kind of guy. I need some assurance. I need affirmation that I'm doing something right. I need confirmation from a higher authority that I'm doing a good job. I don't like to commit when I don't know what's going to happen if I do or if I don't. I'm overly cautious in that way. I don't like to take leaps of faith because then hope comes into play.
So when there are no signs, or ambiguous signs then... There's nothing left for me to carry on, you know? When there are negative signs then well... What's the point, then? Why bother?
I don't know. They say some things are worth fighting for, but I don't want to be fighting a losing battle. I'd want to place my money on the horse most likely to win the race.
After reading all that was posted in the past week then well... I guess they were all open to interpretation, but whatever they meant I'm willing to bet that they were all negative signs.
What do you do when someone you hold in such high regard doesn't even see you? Doesn't even remember you. There's really no point in continuing, is there? I mean. Maybe I shouldn't even watch the movie next week anymore. It'll be like flogging a dead horse.
How many friends do I have in this world? I really don't know. I mean, friendships have to work two ways, don't they? It gets very tiring when it's always just you contacting the other person to chat or to hang out. Then who contacts you? Who asks you to go hang out? Who remembers you?
I don't know. I don't want to complain about those who are willing to hang out with me but it kind of makes me wonder.
I'm very blessed that Jon Teo is still contacting me way over in the US. But it kind of sucks that your closest friend is the one furthest away from you. That the one who sends you a Christmas card and calls you over the phone to chat is way over in USA (Bless you, Jon).
Yeah you might say that a true friend will not demand anything else from his friends and that I'm a bloody hypocrite for treating my friends like commodities and seeking gains for what effort I put into a friendship, but I'm only human. I'm sure you all do that same thing, so don't give me that shit. I gets really, damn, tiring that it always seems like I'm the one sustaining the link between me and someone I treasure, but the feeling doesn't seem to be mutual.
So, why bother?
I really need to play some football. Damn.
And now something that probably will advise me on what to do with everything in my life.
This silence kills the calm
Of the night
I force an anxious patience
Counting every beat and waiting for my turn to die
Give it up, give it up
Don't fall for the same things
Give it up, give it up
Don't fall for mistakes that I've made
Don't turn away
I understand your ways
Won't give it up
It's not me you're waiting for
All right, stop waiting
It's not me you're waiting for
It's time to let go, time to let it go
And when
You become
All you've lost
Wandering the streets and searching for a place to die
Give it up, give it up
Don't fall for the same things
Give it up, give it up
Don't fall for mistakes that I've made
Don't turn away
I understand your ways
Won't give it up
It's not me you're waiting for
All right, stop waiting
It's not me you're waiting for
This is where it ends
It's not me you're waiting for
It's time to let go, time to let it go
This is where it ends
And if you promise to forget
I'll try to find a way to make mistakes
Make mistakes
Give it up, give it up
Try to find a way
Give it up, give it up
Try to find a way (fall for the same things)
Give it up, give it up
Try to find a way (fall for the same things)
Give it up, give it up
Give, it up, give it up, whoa give it up!
It's not me you're waiting for
It's not me you're waiting for
All right, stop waiting
It's not me you're waiting for
All right, stop waiting
It's not me you're waiting for
Give it up, Give it up
Don't fall for the same things (all right, stop waiting)
Give it up, Give it up
Don't fall for mistakes that I've made (all right, don't give it up)
Don't turn away
Give it up, Give it up
Don't fall for the same things
Don't turn away
Give it up, Give it up
Don't fall for mistakes that I've made
Don't turn away
Yeah, just give it up.
"You'll Never Walk Alone"
Archangel