Monday, November 16, 2009 . 1:10 AM

Must we all have a niche in life? Must we all be that terribly good at something that people can categorize us? "X the mugger", "Y the photographer", "Z the guitar-player".

It seems that most of my life I have been trying to find a niche for myself. I used to be good at badminton, until I hit the badminton teacher by accident with a shuttlecock during trials in Primary 4 before she told me to serve and that was the end of my trial (lasted only a serve). I thought football was my thing until I found that my fitness (and discipline in fitness) levels were not up to it. I thought photography was my thing in Secondary 3 and clung on to it until recently.

It's not that I don't like photography anymore. I still do. Taking photos, and demanding perfection in my photos, used to be and will always be fun for me. It's just that one of the reasons I took it up in Sec 3 was that it was special, and unique. Back then we used old film SLRs and we developed our own photographs in a dark room. As the years went and we welcomed DSLRs into our lives, photography became more accessible to the general public. I'm not lamenting or whinging about how everybody left right and centre can take up photography as easy as one can take up reading, in fact, it's great that more and more people are interested in the art. I was just lost for a while, as photography used to be special to me, that I was one of the few people who could do this reasonably well, and now it has lost its uniqueness.

I was never really a pure student at photography. People around me have been more dedicated and more hardworking at the art than I have, and naturally have surpassed me as photographers. Yes, this has put me down a little, but I learn at my own pace. I know I don't have to answer to anyone about my skills (or lack thereof), but somehow I can't help the feeling that I've disappointed people (or made them happy to discover that I am more noob than they are) when they find I'm not as good as they think I am.

But it's hard to shake off the tag. People used to label me a photographer, but I have nothing to show for it now. When I tell people I'm not so much into photography now, I think they actually lose their interest in me, as if there has been some loss in value to them.

Is that what we are reduced to now? Being labels? Being "of worth" to other people? That I'm not your friend, despite all that I've tried to be one to you, because I don't have this talent? That when I revealed that this label does not suit me anymore, I have lost my worth in this community?

Seems like it.

So now I'm stuck in limbo. I have no label. I'm not "X the marathon runner", "Y the smart guy", "Z the lanner". I'm just "X". I don't have a niche. I'm not the best at anything.

And that makes me worthless to some people.

Should I be bothered by that? Probably not.

But I am.

So if you noticed recently I ditched the fanboy Liverpool blogskin and replaced it with a simple skin and if you read the splat at the top carefully you'll notice it's got some lyrics from a British alternative band... Maybe singing will be my niche.

"You'll Never Walk Alone"

Archangel

P.S. Now I'm having second thoughts about not auditioning for Blue Intentions. Seems like everyone in Resonance is moving up to semi-pro groups. Wei Lee in Equivox, Zheng Yu in After 6 and Joshua in Blue Intentions. Where will I be after I finish Resonance? Will there be another offer from a semi-pro group? I really don't know. Seems like I'm going to be left behind. Maybe I'm just not worthy.

Maybe I should just quit. Medicine will be my only thing in life from now on.